Meditation

A goal when I arrived at Yogaland was to establish a daily meditation practice. At first I was not what anyone would call successful. With the dancing and the yoga, the socializing and the seva, sitting quietly in a room (which admittedly I've never been very good at) just pushed to the side. Lucky for me though, one of my roommates and dear friends is what I like to describe as a hardcore meditator. After 6 months living at a meditation center a few years of experience leading up to that, his 2 hour a day practice created something I could really aspire to.

With his guidance, patience and support, I've had a lot of questions regarding meditation answered, like what am I really supposed to do? What are some benchmarks along the way? Am I enlightened? The last question was pretty easy to answer...

I have sat almost every day for the past two weeks and my daily sit is up to 45 minutes. Pranayama has become a part of my practice as I begin each sit with 5 minutes of alternate nostril breathing (nadhi shodhana). It is a helpful way to ease into the sit rather than just plopping myself on a pillow, closing my eyes and firing off a mental pistol at the starting line. What I've been practicing is insight meditation, though at times it feels like I'm just sitting in a room with the lights off. By focusing my attention on my breath, not controlling it but just feeling the sensations of it moving in and out of my body, it helps quiet my mind. As the mind wanders, creating thoughts about the day, people I know, dreams I've had, things I saw on TV or random daydreams, I remember the breath and bring my attention back. Sometimes my mind will wander for a few seconds before being reigned back in, sometimes it feels like much longer.

The biggest thing that I've struggled with and now feel confidently over is self-abuse when I think what I'm doing isn't meditation. If my mind would wander for a few minutes, it would feel like lost time. But my teacher insists this is all part of the process. The first milestone on this path is getting on the cushion. The second is called First Insight, where you reach a point, even if it is only for one session, where the thoughts that the mind presents can be recognized, but I do not become attached to them. I believe I've had sits like this, though they are not consistent. To my surprise, that's OK. As I practice more and more, they will become more frequent until I can witness my mind producing thoughts, trying its hardest to get me to stand up, leave the cushion, halt my assault on its autonomy.

But I am greater than my mind. I am more than just a physical body existing for the pleasure, satisfaction and defense of my mind. At my core I am the divine, living life as only I can live it, perfectly and without need to change. I want to become more conscious of my actions, but before I do, and after I do, I am still, on my inner most level, at one with the source and connected to all things.

Beautiful, eh?