Self Love

Yesterday I met with the head of the volunteer program. I felt like something was missing from my experience. So far I have developed these wonderful relationships with people here, holding space for people, facilitating a share circle, a men's group, and finding myself in a leadership position among my seva. All that felt great, but where was the me time? What is this work that I've come here to do?
He told me that during our interview back in October, he was struck by the kind of work that I did: Political campaigns. To him, that was my way of wanting to make the world a better place on a very large scale. I have always been comfortable with fixing and healing on the external level, he said. "Physician heal thyself."
And so if that is the case, which I have to admit seems right, then the relationships I've developed here and the dynamic of them really just puts me in a comfortable space. Why develop those relationships?
A fellow volunteer told me a story yesterday. You're walking over a  bridge and you pass someone hanging off the edge, holding onto a rope. They are shouting 'Help me, help me!' You can either grab the rope and pull them up or walk on. Mine feels like a lifetime of helping them up. Certainly my last relationship was all about helping her up. But this same volunteer told me, you don't know their dharma, what brought them to hanging. So why do we help?
Do we help because we truly want the other person to be safe? Or do we want them to owe us, to be indebted to us? In my most honest moments, I can admit that my actions here towards other people have created a safety net for me, and have made me an invaluable part of a number of different people's experiences. I can feel validated, worthy.
And here in lies the problem, the inner shit, the personal work, and the subject of this post. How do you show yourself love when at your core, you don't think you deserve it? The head of the program asked me when I learned to not value myself, not an easy question. I couldn't even articulate this a day ago, so who knows what will come next, but the fact is when I'm taking time for myself, it feels unsatisfying, a poor use of time.
Why does it feel like I don't deserve time and space all for myself? What is it inside me that feels unworthy of being nurtured?

I don't know, but time in Yogaland certainly shall tell...