Witnessing a mood

Yesterday, for an intents and purposes, was a really great day. I woke up and had breakfast with a friend, worked out with the kettlebell, saunaed and went to a bit of yogadance. Afterwards I went to seva and had a pretty good shift. Why it took me 2 months to bring my iPod and start listening to music during a shift is a question that will have to remain unanswered, but what a difference it makes.

There is an interesting dynamic between volunteers and paid staff in the dish room. We all are new, but we live here and feel like Yogaland to a certain extent exists for us. They have been here a while and feel like the unappreciated backbone of the community. In some ways both are true. As I was putting away dishes and making myself useful yesterday, I noticed a few paid staffers just hanging around, moving in the area but not doing any work. Instantly my good mood turned bad and I found myself angry at the staffers, picking fights in my mind.

But I am there to work, selfless service is what we call it. Regardless of what another person is doing, I am satisfied by the fact that I'm in the back working to support my community. Why then should another person's lack of work, particularly when that person isn't even on my shift, put me in such a vile mood? I stepped outside to get some fresh air and asked myself this very question.

In some ways it feels like it devalues the work that I do, or more accurately it devalues me as a worker. Because they are putzing around, I have to work harder to get the same amount of work done. And if they see me running around making sure the work gets done, they can just step back and relax, knowing the work they are being paid to do will get done. It was a frustrating afternoon. However, we had a family check in, and a beautiful centering and I talked myself back from the edge. All was well. I work with people I enjoy, in the end it is only a few hours out of my day and of course ultimately, my contribution is helping the wonderful world of Yogaland function at a higher level. Maybe only a very slightly higher level, but higher none the less.